If we come into this world with a particular wound, and I believe we do, mine has been a profound lack of self-worth. It has shown up as being a pleaser, putting others first, sacrificing and sabotaging myself, not speaking up, feeling scared to take a stand, and giving away my power to other people.
I’ve had to learn how to own it. It has been my life story, my toughest lesson, and life has kicked me hard at times – in extraordinary ways - to make sure I get the message.
Our deepest wounds carry medicine for us and the world. When I launched my Powerful Speaking for Powerful Women work in 2012 (if you don’t know about it, I still work with women privately and there are hundreds of them now owning who they are and what they say and do, and owning the room with their powerful voices and presence. In 2014 I wrote a little book called Own It, which is for sale on Amazon. If you’d like a copy reply to this email and I’ll send you a free PDF. I’m also considering running some powerful speaking workshops and retreats again), I truly believed that no-one would pay to work with me. I had a mentor who, after nearly six months of working together, told me to launch a public speaking workshop for women. So I did, because I’d paid her thousands of dollars to support me, and given we only had two sessions left I thought it would be good to see some results.
I told everyone I knew about the three-day workshop and when the first woman booked her space I was beside myself with joy. Six women ended up enrolling and that workshop still feels like one of my greatest achievements of my life. Those women experienced a transformation before my eyes, and left the workshop not only as much better public speakers, but feeling genuinely more powerful and confident. They owned the room and I was blown away. I realised I did know a thing or two about power and owning it after all.
I went on to run many more workshops like that, and retreats, coached powerful women privately, wrote a couple more books, spoke on lots of stages, and to this day women tell me what a difference my work made for them – and continues to make for them.
And I’d believed that no-one would pay to work with me.
Fast forward to now, a new body of work that’s also firmly aligned with my deepest wound and purpose, being in perimenopause (what I call the menoportal and far out, what a ride it is), and a big astrological transit that’s brought that old, painful wound to the surface again.
Perimenopause/menopause = initiation. I’m experiencing it as a reckoning. A time of transformation when what no longer serves us and is no longer required dies so we can become a wise, dare I say, elder (I’m not comfortable with that word for myself just yet). A time when all the old stories, all the old issues that haven’t been properly dealt with, all the feelings that haven’t been fully felt arise and can no longer be ignored (unless we’re so distracted by everything else in our lives).
Once women move through this initiation, we have perhaps 20-30 years to make the difference we’re here to make in this world. To be the wise, sovereign, fierce elders who see what’s needed and aren’t afraid to take a stand, speak up, and own it.
It’s not long and it’s a leveller for me, just like grief. It makes me re-evaluate things.
I’m seeing all the ways I’m not owning it in my life. All the ways I’m still worrying about what people will think. All the ways I’ve been hiding and would prefer to keep it that way.
The healing never ends. We just get better at it. I made this offering weeks ago and refreshed it this week. It looks a bit like a wreath and I imagine it as a portal. I put what I want to die to in the centre, and ask the earth to transform it.
This week I’ve been naming my wounded parts that are asking for attention and putting them in the portal. The self-doubts and the fears too. You can use it too, if you like. Your intention is enough. What do you want to die in your life?
I’m reminding myself of who I really am and what I’m here to do. I’m feeling the fear (it’s astonishing to me how palpable this is - again) and doing it anyway. Because I have to. Because we have to. Our world needs our powerful voices. It needs our wisdom spread far and wide. It needs the difference we’re here to make. Even when we think no-one will pay to work with us, or care about what we’re saying. Even when people say, “Who does she think she is?” or don’t like what we have to say.
I want to live in a world that doesn’t perpetuate sit down, shut up, be nice, be good. To contribute to creating that world, I know I need to stand up, speak up, and be truth.
I’ve adopted the word “Shameless” as my new mantra whenever I doubt myself:
If the empowered Feminine could be described in one word it would be: shameless. The Feminine is she whose ways cannot be proscribed or controlled, she who follows her own flow, she who knows that her vulnerability is the birthplace of real power.
From Burning Woman, by Lucy H Pearce
I’ve recorded a batch of videos to share on Instagram. Social media isn’t a serious part of my business strategy, but there’s something about the energy of “putting myself out there” on video – using my powerful voice - that feels important right now. If you’d like to follow along here’s the link.
I’ve also written a chapter in an anthology for women in perimenopause/menopause. It’s called “Wise Women Don’t Whisper,” curated by my dear Bali friend Lynette Allen. It’s on sale on Amazon today. If you’re in midlife too I suggest grabbing a copy. You’ll hear from 50 women about their honest experience of perimenopause/menopause, what’s helped, and the wisdom they’re gleaning.
I love hearing from the women who read what I write here. Sending words out into the ether of the online world without knowing how they’re received can feel lonely at times. If you ever have reflections, insights or questions to share, please don’t hesitate to respond by reply email here. I promise I’ll get back to you.
A couple of women have told me recently that they love the sound of my Held retreat in Bali in June next year, but the last thing they want to do is sit around for five days talking and crying about all the hard things in their lives, and then go home feeling more exhausted.
If you’ve also been thinking that’s what the Held retreat is all about, I want to assure you it’s not. Much of our time will focus on celebration, fun and joy, beauty, and coming into more of our aliveness – while being nourished and nurtured, and away from all the usual stresses and distractions of our busy lives.
As well as what’s been happening in our personal lives, these past few years have been incredibly difficult collectively. The world is different now, and much of what’s happening continues to be terrifying. It’s impossible not to be impacted.
It’s also easy to pretend that everything’s okay as we become more stressed, exhausted, and numb to the life that, deep down, we’re longing to feel. Tending to our hearts, to our sorrows - is a gateway to unexpected, extraordinary beauty. We return to ourselves with more energy, more life, and more love and joy. We become lighter, and we take that home with us.
It can feel like a radical act to choose ourselves in this way. Pesky, yet deeply ingrained conditioning can arise about why we shouldn’t and can’t do it. I’ve made a commitment to myself to attend at least one retreat a year after the incredible impact of the retreat I went to in June. I contend with the shoulds and cant’s too – and I’m choosing to own who I am and what I want and need anyway. I’m choosing to be shameless, even when I don’t know exactly how I’ll make something happen.
If you’ve been sitting on the fence about the Held retreat and would like to have a conversation, please reply to this email.
Or, you can go ahead and book one of the final spaces: Held retreat, Bali, 21-26 June 2026
Thank you for being here. I appreciate it more than you can know.
Love,
Tricia x
PS If you know someone you think would benefit from reading what I write, feel free to share this article with them. Let’s spread the word of our power ❤️